Week 5 - Songs from the year you were born....

Kris - So, I see you were born in Nineteen Eighty Suck. You sang "All She Wants To Do is Dance" however, all I wanted to do was choke the life out of you, yank your trachea out and use it to make soup stock. Definitely in the bottom 3.

Lil - Thanks for the history of your name. If your Mom were being honest, she should have named you "Sharp Azshit." Tilting your head back and belting is great and all, but the demonstrated lack of concern for pitch is pissing me off. I expected Ike Turner to walk out on stage and beat the snot out of this girl. The only thing I like less than Lil right now is the back fat that's pouring from Paula's underarms....

Anoop - Who the hell is picking these songs? It's like they're playing a huge joke on everyone telling them to pick the crappiest song from the year they were born. Can this guy sing? Maybe. Is he even going to sniff winning this competition? There's a better chance of Scott landing a job flying commercial jets.

Scott - "I can see forever...." ummm...no, you can't. Can we get him his eyes back if he agrees to trade them for his vocal chords? Perhaps the worst Idol performance I've ever, ever heard. Ever.

Paula has lipstick on her teeth. This is the officially the worst episode of American Idol in the history of American Idol. I hate this season with a passion.

Allison - Finally! It certainly didn't take much to stand out amongst this collection of turds tonight, but Allison was impressive covering Bonnie Raitt. This girl has a voice and a presence much, much more mature than her 16 years.

Matt was good. This show is boring now.

I didn't see the others because the circuit boards on my DVR were soldered together by Scott.

Freaking doofus.