Final Final Idol Rant

You didn't really think that the last one was the last one did you?

The 2-hour fluff-filled snooze-fest of a finale certainly was a target rich environment, so in no particular order, here we go.

I read recently that Pluto is no longer a planet. This is okay, because it's been replaced by Kelly Clarkson's ass. Sweet goodness!! That thing made J-Lo look like she has half of the ass of one Olsen Twin. Kelly isn't the prettiest girl I've ever seen, but man, it looks like she could just put that stuff on you and make you suck your thumb and whimper for mercy by the time she was done. Damn, is she sexy.

Carrie Underwood on the other hand is freaking gorgeous....man, I miss her. Thanks for the memories Carrie...we'll always have 2005!

I thought Bette Midler could sing...perhaps I was wrong.

Didn't Ruben Studdard lose a lot of weight recently? Well, he must have gained it back recently too. He has to have the biggest freaking melon in the history of history. My God, his head is huge. His head is so big that Barry Bonds' head accused Ruben's head of using They wanted him to wear a hat to match the pimp suit he had on and the show's wardrobe person was like "No...I don't have the time or the resources to pull this off." He was up there sweating like a whore in church. I used to think that he wore the "205" gear when he was on the show to give props to Birmingham, now I know that's how much he weighed when he was born.

If they ever make another "Weekend at Bernie's" Smokey Robinson can play the dead guy.

The whole Sanjaya thing has to have been a gag for them to have picked that song for him to sing last night. Well, it made me gag, so, same thing I guess. I would honestly like to punch the little pucker face crying girl "fan" right in the damn mouth. She irritates me.

Congrats to Jordin on winning the competition. It doesn't take much of a glance back through the Idol rants to see that she was the favorite to win way back in the beginning.

Hope you enjoyed the rants...